A very Wraithy Christmas
by QueenMalka
Summary: Is the third installment of Hive 18 Printing humors story. The hive tries to create a festive Christmas celebration for their new human friends.


Twas two weeks and one day before Christmas and all through the Hive not a creature was stirring, not even a wraith. Except for in Lt Commander Larruz's quarters, where he was trying to plan Christmas out.

He had heard about several glorious human holidays when they had visited Atlantis in October. The Hive had given Thanksgiving a go which had turned out interesting to say the least, and Queen Malka had decided that human holidays' were fun. So in an effort to reach out and bond with their new human allies she had given Lt Commander Larruz the job of planning Christmas for the Hive and the Facility.

"What am I going to do? There is nowhere in Pegasus to go and buy these Christmas decorations, or any of these other things that are on this list," Larruz protested as he scrolled through the information Col. Sheppard and Dr. McKay had given him about human holidays. "The Queen wants this badly and if I do not produce a good Christmas. Then I will fall out of favor, and most certainly meet my demise."

Larruz laid down in his bed to rest, but all he could do was stare at the ceiling. The thought of his impending doom kept him awake. He even tried to have a late night snack but even 'he' couldn't calm his nerves. Then around 3 AM, a wondrous idea came to him, as all great ideas do at the wee hours of the morning, "We can just make the decorations and such, of course. With our experience it shouldn't be an issue!

Queen Malka and Commander Sam had taken the Hive to Atlantis to invite their new human friends. Commander Sam, however, was not at all interested or happy about this Christmas thing, so Malka thought it would be better if he came with her; otherwise, she might come back to a bunch of dead Lts.

Larruz started his morning by going around and distributing jobs to different wraiths. He first stopped by the Chief Scientist, Brekist.

As soon as Lt. C. Larruz enters the laboratory, Brekist quickly turned his computer monitor off. Lt. C. Larruz could guess what was on the monitor, but figured he would just leave it be for now. He left Brekist with the job of making the lights.

He then went to see Princes Adalia. Dealing with her was always tricky, on one hand she will be a future Queen of an allied hive, but on the other hand she was demanding, aggressive and acted like a teenage human. Now Queen Malka and Commander Sam have had many children throughout the thousands of years they had been together, but none of them had acted like this. One has to expect that anyone that has had so many good children would eventually get a problem one.

Princess Adalia had made the grave mistake before of challenging her parents' authority and had quickly learned that it was a suicidal venture to follow up on. So she merrily wandered into the realm of annoyance instead of outright defiance. Generally when they told her to do something she would do it.

However, Lt. C. Larruz had found that his authority over her only worked about 50% of the time. Hopefully today was one of those days.

After he announced his presence respectfully through the network at her quarter's door, he was allowed to enter. Clothing, painting supplies, shoes, computer tablets, books, dirty clothing, other various art supplies, were flung all over her room. And one poor worshipper was trying desperately to clean up the mess.

Princess Adalia was lying on her bed with a green and black dress on and her short hair had the look that it needed to be brushed, again. There is something about the genes in this family that half of them always seem to have 'bed head.'

"Don't mind that," Adalia said gesturing to the worshipper, "If she doesn't get this room cleaned soon I will just feed on her," Princes Adalia said in a bored tone. The worshipper trembled as she started to clean up in a hurried manner.

"You know the Queen, your mother, does not approve of feeding on humans for such reasons. Besides I have a i _fun /i _task for you, if you are up for it," he said in a wheedling tone.

Ignoring the first part of Larruz's sentence she spat back, "What is this i _task /i _ you have?"

"I need help in making an 'angel' for the Christmas tree."

"That is what you want help with? Why don't you get one of them to do it," She said as she gestured at the worshipper, as she sat down and started to fiddle with her computer terminal. Although she did not appear to be paying him attention she was bombarding his mind with an aggressive attack on the network.

Knowing this was usual for her he had mentally prepared himself, so he had no problem in continuing the conversation under the bombardment. "Because, my future Queen, I need someone with a proper artistic touch that only a pure blooded wraith Queen like you have," he said in his most flattering tone to sweeten the deal he was trying to make. Paying attention to the Commander and his brother had not been a wasted venture; flattery with the females of his species always seemed to work.

"Fine, what is this 'angel'?"

Larruz showed her a photo on his tablet.

"So regal, with wings and female, almost a Queen, except that we don't have wings. Fine, I will make one. Now leave!"

"Thank you, my future Queen," he said with a deep bow and left the room.

After the door shut behind him and he had gotten a sufficient distance from her mental attacks, he thought, " i _I can't wait till she finally moves out. None of the other ones were like this. I don't know what will happen with this one." /i _ He let out a low growl and rubbed his temples for a moment, i "_Damn it now, I got a headache, too. This is yet another reason why I don't bother with our females."_ /i

Taking a deep breath, and checking the network, he located Lt. D'Arcy and headed to his position.

Lt. D'Arcy was in the observation deck sitting with two female worshippers that where cooing over him.

"Do you ever do any work?" Lt. C. Larruz growled.

"Huh? Sorry, sir. I didn't hear you come in. What do I owe your honorable visit?" he said in a smooth tone, while trying to untangle himself from the females' arms.

"I need you to do some actual work while the Queen is away instead of i _playing /i_ with these women, or any other women. I need you to go down to the human village and get them to make bobbles for the tree."

"Boobbles? What are those," he queried.

"They are shinny, round, hang on a tree and look like this," he said as he pointed at the Christmas tree on his tablet.

"Well then yes, sir, I will go to the human village and get them to make these boobbles for you, my wondrous Lt. Commander. Ladies why don't you come with me, you can visit your families while we are there," he said with a great smile while extending his hands to them. They both got up and wrapped themselves back around him as they walked out of the room.

i _"I hate it when the Queen and Commander both leave, everyone thinks they can get away with murder…hmm, not a bad idea, sometimes mind you. Anyway we still need a tree, garland and that suit…"/i _ he thought to himself as he walked back into the corridor.

Going to the computer lab he found Lt. Jas, Lt. Mikol, and Warrior Drone Deti actually doing some work. Larruz felt bad about disturbing them since they were the first ones he had found all morning actually working; until, he realized they were really just playing video war games against each other on the terminals.

"I need you three to go and get a Christmas tree. It should look like this," he said as he pointed at his tablet.

"Ok," Lt. Jas said as he saved his game.

"I will get the cutting devices," Lt. Mikol said, as he too saved and closed his game out.

i "_Turkey??" /i_ Deti queried on the network.

"Sure, you can try to catch the turkey thing again. But you have to get the tree in and set it up first," Larruz said with a sigh.

If he could have actually seen Deti's face, not that he would have wanted to, he was sure that Deti was smiling. He had not gotten the chance to try and catch the turkey around 'Thanksgiving' and had pouted about it ever since.

Now the only thing left was the garland and the suit. He knew who he was going to see about the suit, Rhea, Lt. Jawnet's worshipper. After the usual formality of entering another wraith's room, Larruz walked in and was pleasantly surprised to see Lt. Jawnet was actually doing work. He found Rhea braiding Lt. Jawnet's long white hair while he worked on his terminal.

"As unusual as this is, I am not to here to see you, but rather your worshipper."

"Ok, if it was anyone else I would be worried, but I know you aren't interested in her i _that way /i_. So you can borrow her if you want."

"What can I help with, sir," she said as she tied off the last little braid.

"I need you to make this suit," he said as he pulled up the image of Santa.

"Ok, easy enough. Could you download the image to my beloved's computer so I can pull it up for reference if needed?"

"Sure," Larruz said as he tapped some buttons and wirelessly downloaded it to the computer terminal.

"I will get started on it right away, sir." Rhea said with a curtsy.

Larruz smiled and left the room. Now all he had to do was swing by the worshippers' main room and get them to make a garland and other decorations.

He quickly found the head worshipper and gave her the task of making the garland and other additional decorations like table cloths, tree skirts, and so on. She delegated it out to her most competent workers.

Having gotten all of his Holiday chores done, Larruz went about doing the required task he must do every day to keep the Facility running. Besides it would take everyone some time to get anything done.

The next day started off quite normal, till he found Lt. Mikol, Lt. Jas, and Deti trying to drag in a tree that looked more like an oak then a Christmas tree.

"What are you three doing?!" he shouted as he saw them destroying the door trying to get the darn thing through.

"Bringing the tree in," Lt. Jas said with a guff tone of frustration at trying to fit the thing through the door and feeling that he was being asked an obvious question.

"It is suppose to be triangle shaped, and have needle like leaves not those type of leaves," Larruz said with growl of frustration.

"Oh, I told you two that this looked wrong," Said Lt. Mikol.

"Why don't you just ask him out for a dinner and a culling?" snapped Lt. Jas.

"I don't care, just take this thing away. And get the right one," Larruz turned to Mikol "Tonight at 10:30 at my quarters." Larruz turned back to the rest of the group over looking the slightly panicked look on Mikol's face. "And this time do not screw up or you all will be my snack!"

"Yes, sir" Lt. Jas said as they started to shove the tree back out.

_i "Sorry…" /i _Deti said on the network.

i "_It is fine just go and get the right one._" /i Larruz sent back just to him. He always found it hard to be mean to the warrior drones. They weren't that smart and well, being mean to them made him think that he was kicking a puppy or something like that.

It only took the three of them two more tries to get something similar to a Christmas tree. Larruz had them set it up in the largest throne room in the Facility.

Then Brekist showed up later that day with something that vaguely resembled a string of lights, and that was only because they both had colored lights on them and could be draped on things. That was where the similarity stopped. The base of the 'wraith' lights was one of those tentacle like power conduits, and all that Brekist had done was modify it to have 'L.E.D.' like bulbs sticking out of it.

_i "Oh well, at least he did it, and made a bunch of them,"_ /i Larruz thought as he looked at the huge box of lights.

The next day, Princess Adalia sent one of the warrior drones along with the 'angel.' It also only loosely fit the description of an angel. For starters the doll was a wraith not a human, but that was acceptable, it was a wraith facility after all. She had apparently used one of her old dolls and had attached wings to it. However, those wings where not feathery at all, instead they where leathery and scalloped like a bat's. The dress it wore was a deep maroon color, and the doll's hair was black.

"Oh well at least she did make it without me having to nag her about it," he muttered to himself as he went over to put the angel on the tree.

This required a ladder to do since the tree was very tall. As he was standing on the ladder to put the topper on Lt. D'Arcy sauntered into the room holding a large box and being flanked by two different female worshippers. i _"I don't see what these human women see in him, I wouldn't even date him."_ /i Larruz thought as he looked at Lt. D'Arcy.

"I have your boobles, sir," Lt. D'Arcy said as he opened the box for Larruz to see.

Coming down from the ladder, Larruz picked up one of the shiny objects with a look of horror mixed with frustration on his face. "Somehow I don't think this is what I meant when I said shinny bobbles," he said with a low growl at the end.

"You said shinny boobles! So that's what we made," Lt. D'Arcy said with a big lecherous grin.

"These are supposed to be perfect i _spheres /i _ that are shinny and can be hung on that tree," he said in even more frustrated tone as he pointed at the tree, "Not mammary gland shaped pieces of glass! Now go back to the worshipper's village and re-do these or I will feed on you!"

"_Fine_, what do you want me to do with these?"

"I don't care! Just get them out of my sight." Larruz said with a curt gesture.

"I am taking them back to my room then…boobies..." Lt. D'Arcy said as he happily trotted out of the room with his two women in tow.

"Don't just go back to your room and play with those two women, I need those ornaments now!"

"Yes, sir" he said in a dejected tone from the hallway.

Larruz pinched the bridge of his nose, and tilted his head down. "How do these guys survive when the Commander is around? Oh that's right he just yells at me instead of them. I need a vacation," he muttered to himself.

The rest of the week was pock marked with situations of absolute stupidity. Warrior drone Hew had managed to somehow miss-wire a strand of lights and electrocuted himself, until Larruz took pity on him and killed the power to the wall.

Chief Science officer, Brekist had even tried to help hang some the lights only to be found later hanging upside down in one of the larger rooms, in a cocoon of his own lights. No one could figure out how he managed to do that, but it was pretty funny to look at.

Lt. D'Arcy finally got the ornaments right and hung them on the tree and the garland that the worshippers had made.

After getting the tree right Lt. Mikol, Lt. Jas, and Warrior drone Deti decided to try again to catch the turkey like bird, two days before Christmas.

The morning before Christmas Queen Silka arrived in her cruiser. Having her boys land it next to the Facility, she strolled up to Larruz who was supervising the last of the outside decorations.

"So my sister and her Commander have not arrived yet?"

"No, they should be here around noon. Our Queen has been dragging the Commander around shopping."

"Really, how delightful. I am sure he will be in such a good mood when he gets here." Queen Silka said with a little snicker at the end. Queen Silka turned and looked at the others as they went about their assigned tasks.

"Tell me why that warrior drone is smoldering over there?" she queried cautiously.

"Inept ability to plug in a string of lights, he's been smoldering for a few days now. I have been keeping him outside encase he suddenly catches fire."

"Hmmm…well he is a solider drone what should we expect. Perhaps you should make him go sit in a pond or under a waterfall." She suggested with flick of her wrist.

Just then a turkey like creature came running out of the bushes, being chased by Lt. Mikol and Lt. Jas.

"Oh this does not look good…" Larruz said as he saw Drone Deti coming in the opposite direction of the Lts. with a net.

"Why don't they use a stunner?" Queen Silka said as they the groups got closer together.

"I don't know? Maybe it makes too much sense I guess."

Deti collided at full tilt with Lt. Mikol and Lt. Jas as the turkey ran between his legs and over to Lt. Jawnet.

"Why are you guys trying to catch my pet?" Lt. Jawnet said in a disgusted tone.

Struggling to disentangle himself from the others and the net, "What do you mean pet?" Lt. Jas spat out.

"I am protecting the local wildlife, it one of my new personal missions." He said with a haughty tone of this makes me a better person then you.

"How does my sister put up with this nonsense?" Queen Silka queried mystified.

"I think the liquor helps, and those long private meetings with the Commander."

"Liquor. Good idea," Queen Silka said as she motioned to one of her Lts. Who hurried away and returned shortly with a very large suitcase. "I figured I would bring some good wraith liquor to share with these humans, I doubt they have ever had any."

The Lt. opened the case to show 20 bottles of liquor.

Selecting one out of the case, she handed it to Larruz. "I think you will need this, for it seems it will be a long day. Though I find it extremely entertaining."

"I don't usually drink during the day, but I may start after this stupidity," he said as he took the bottle and went to sort out the Lts. and Deti.

Queen Malka and Commander Sam arrived back at the Facility at noon. As Queen Silka had predicted Commander Sam was quite in the surly mood.

"But Sam I love to go shopping, I don't know why you didn't enjoy it yourself," Queen Malka said as she watched the warrior drones carry wrapped packages off the transport.

"My beloved Queen, the key thing is that _you_ enjoy shopping, and I am more just along for the ride. Besides I am worried about what mayhem our boys have done while we have been gone. You did leave them with the task of creating Christmas at the Facility," Commander Sam said in the most diplomatic voice he could muster at the moment.

"Oh look my Sister is here already! Come on let's go in and see how they did."

"Yes, my Queen," he said as he thought i _"I hope she brought a limited amount of liquor this time." /i_

As they walked through the Facility's entrance Queen Malka began to get all chatty about how she liked the garland that was strung throughout the hive along with the criss-crossing of the wraith-like light strings. Commander Sam just nodded and followed his squeaky Queen to the main throne room.

"Look we even have a wondrous big Christmas Tree. The Alanteans are going to feel like they are back on _Earth, w_onderful!"

"Yes, my wondrous Queen," said Sam in a tired tone as he stared at the tree.

"Boy don't you sound enthused, Sam," Queen Silka said as she strolled up to the pair.

"Silka! This is going to be so much fun. We got lots of presents and stuff for tomorrow."

"Great, I brought plenty of wraith liquor." Silka squeed back with a mischievous smile.

_i "Great, humans with guns and drunk wraith Queens. I will have my work cut out for me tomorrow. I just hope everyone else behaves themselves," /i _Sam throught with a touch of dread.

When Christmas day arrived at the Facility, wraiths and worshippers alike rushed around doing last minute things. Banquet tables had to be placed in the main throne room, and the table cloths needed to be neatly laid out with proper utensils at each spot.

The Facility's kitchen was the busiest place. Worshippers where whizzing around preparing and carrying food in their attempt at creating an i _Earth_ /i Christmas dinner.

Around 4pm the Alanteans arrived in a puddle jumper. They landed the jumper just outside the Facility and cautiously went to what looked like the front door.

"I really don't like this, I think we should just blow the place up and go home," Ronan said in an agitated tone.

"Hey give them a break for a moment, they are trying. They even made wreaths," Sheppard said as he looked at the wreath on the door, "but I am a little confused about these Christmas balls, they look a bit like something else."

"What?" Dr. McKay said as he pushed past Ronan, "Oh, that's not…I thought these guys where a bit screwed up but, yeah..."

"Whatever. Lorne, go and help Dr. Beckett get the bag of gifts." Sheppard ordered.

"Yeah, no problem," Major Lorne said as he turned and helped Dr. Beckett carry a large bag out of the jumper.

"It would have been impolite not to bring something for them. Admittedly it's not like we have a mall on Atlantis, but it's something at least," Mr. Woolsey said trying to justify his decision to make sure the wraiths got presents from them.

"Do we need to ring a bell or knock?" Teyla queried.

Just then the doors parted and Commander Sam was standing there with a smug look on his face. "Welcome to our Facility, again. Please do come in."

After the last of the Alanteans entered into the Facility the door closed behind them. Dr. McKay gave the door a look that was very similar to a rat suddenly being trapped.

"This way, we decorated up the main throne room for the occasion," Commander Sam said as he gestured down the hallway.

"I see you did the hallways, too," Sheppard said as he stared at the garland and light tentacles that where on the ceiling and walls.

"I think it is a bit much, but it pleases my Queen, so I will just have to live with it for now. And a warning. My Queen's Sister is here, Queen Silka. They have already been enjoying some 'Holiday Cheer' as they have been calling it. They both get very friendly when they drink."

"I'll watch out for that," Sheppard said as he gave Commander Sam a "Your pulling my leg look, right."

Arriving in the main throne room, the Alanteans had to admit the wraiths had really tried to decorate for the holiday. They even had a huge Christmas tree, with a bunch of presents under it.

"Sheppard!" Queen Malka said as she beamed at the group from her throne. "What do you think; it is Christmas with a wraith's touch."

"Pretty impressive," Sheppard said with a nod of approval.

"We are quite honored to be invited to the first wraith Christmas," Mr. Woolsey butted in and said.

"Well you should be," Queen Silka said as she raised her glass. "This is going to be a very interesting evening."

Nervously the Alanteans sat down at a table always keeping an eye on the closest wraith just in case something went suddenly wrong.

"Where did they get all this silverware?" Dr. McKay asked.

"I think that falls under the title of there are some things we just don't want to know," Major Lorne responded.

Food was brought out by the warrior drones and worshippers and placed on the tables. As the Alanteans looked at the food and then the room they noticed that there were both normal male wraiths and human worshippers sitting at the tables.

"Maybe for this day they figured to soften their image," Teyla ventured.

"That doesn't sound very much like a wraith," Ronan said as he inspected the turkey leg he just ripped off.

"Well they do seem to be trying to make a substantial effort in being friendlier to us," Mr. Woolsey said to the group.

"You know what I don't see here, any of those warrior drones eating," Dr. Beckett injected into the conversion.

"That's because some of us would like to keep the food we eat down for the time being," piped in Lt. Jas as he sat down next to Sheppard. "Get one of their masks off and you won't want to eat food for a month."

"That's a good point," Sheppard said with a shudder.

They all filled their plates and ate their food. There was some discussion about where the food had come from but it had been dispelled by Lt. Mikol who was sitting next to Teyla, "Queen Malka and Commander Sam picked it up on the way back here from Atlantis. He was even more surly then normal yesterday because our Queen dragged him around shopping."

"Probably grumbling about the credit card bill," Sheppard jokingly said.

"Huh? What is a credit card?" Lt. Jas said with a fork full of root vegetables.

"It is…umm…well, someone help me out," Sheppard said out of desperation.

"It is a set amount of money you can borrow and you have to pay it back by a particular date or you will be charged all kinds of fees. With a credit card you can use the money at several different places," Mr. Woolsey explained.

"Oh, well we don't use things like that here, but I get the joke. He would have been grumbling if he had such a thing. Could you imagine the Princess getting a hold of something like that," Lt. Mikol said to Lt. Jas.

"I would see that ending rather badly," Lt. Jas responded.

Towards the end of the meal Queen Silka smiled toothily at the guests, "I have heard of an interesting desert that humans from your world indulge in. I believe it's called 'flambé'" Saying that she gestured to one of the hallways leading into the throne room. The drone Hew entered, still smoldering from the light incident pushing an over loaded cart. He stopped in the middle of the room and with a gesture from Queen Silka lit the desert. After an astonished moment Queen Malka asked in a shocked tone, "Will someone please put him out? Again."

Everyone finished their food without further incident, even Lt. Jawnet kept quiet about the murder of animals for the meal.

After the food was done they moved the tables to the side of the room and brought the benches around to make a semi-circle across from the tree.

"This should be interesting," Sheppard whispered to Dr. McKay.

The Queens had decided that they were going to take over one whole bench right next to the tree and poor Commander Sam was stuck in the middle of the two buzzed Queens. He had kept his usual strong face on, but Sheppard suspected that he was feeling quite cornered right now. Commander Sam's usual tactic for dealing with drunken Queens is to just find a quiet place to disappear to, sleep, or take the other guys for a spin in the cruiser. But due to today's events he was not able to do any of these and was stuck in between the two Queens.

The Alanteans settled down on the benches, trying to cluster together.

"Scoot over Sheppard, so I can sit down," Princess Adalia demanded as she stood in front of Sheppard.

Sheppard glanced over to Woosley, who gave him the look of 'let her sit down, now before the others get agitated.' Sheppard scooted over and let the Princess sit down in between him and Major Lorne.

"Enjoying yourself, Sheppard?" she said as she leaned closer to him with a look of trying to be very nice but having other motives.

"Yeah, it's been really fun so far," he responded while thinking i "_Although I am darn uncomfortable right now."_ /i

"Good, I would hate for you to be not enjoying yourself, if you weren't I would have to do something about it myself," She said as she placed her hand on his leg.

"I am good right now," he nodded with a look of 'please someone save me.'

i "_Adalia! Behave yourself, he is a guest and you don't need to try to molest him," /i The Commander shot out on the network._

"I am just trying to make him more comfortable, father," she yelled aloud to Commander Sam.

"If we were back on earth that would be considered a 'cockblock,'" Ronan whispered to Dr. McKay.

"What is a 'cockblock'," Princess Adalia inquired to Sheppard.

"Well it when usually when another male gets in the way of a fellow male trying to woo a female," Sheppard said as he tried to shift his leg out from under her hand.

"Well I am not a male so I lack that equipment referenced," she thought for a second "then turned to the Commander and shouted across the network, i "_Father you are such a handblocker!" /i_

A look of rage washed over Commander Sam's face, as all the other wraiths started to laugh.

Sheppard looked at the others in his group and said, "Aww, crap this can't be good."

"Sam, calm down. It's not like that isn't an accurate description," Queen Malka said as she poked him in the side.

"Yeah, my sister's right, you so are!" Queen Silka said as she jabbed him with her finger on the other side.

Taking a big sip from her glass Queen Malka, poking Sam in the ribs again. "Just relax, she is just doing it to piss you off. She knows it bothers you, and she is exploiting that."

Commander Sam turned to his Queen to say something, as he was still getting poked in the ribs by Queen Silka, but before he could say anything he saw something that could threaten to make the whole evening go south even further.

There was someone dressed badly in a Santa Clause suit stumbling in with a bottle of wraith liquor.

"Oh no," he uttered as the Queens turned their attention away from him and to the drunken Santa.

"Merry Freaking Christmas, you Bastards," the drunken Santa said as he stumbled towards the group and fell over one of unoccupied benches.

"I guess the drunk male seems to be a universal issue at all Charismas parties. I hope he just doesn't get grabby," said Sheppard.

"Oh my, that's Larruz," Queen Malka said in astonishment as she stared at the drunken wraith struggling to get up off the floor.

"Opps, I guess I shouldn't have given him that bottle yesterday," Queen Silka said quietly.

"I have never seen him like this," Queen Malka just gapped in shock.

Lt. C. Larruz managed to get back up, and stumbled over to Mr. Woolsey, he smiled a huge toothy grin. The others Alanteans pulled their guns out just as fell down grabbing Mr. Woolsey's legs, while saying "I am soo glad you guys came to the party… I worked soo hard in getting everything together." Larruz slurred.

Mr. Woolsey waved his hand for the others to put their guns away. "I think he is drooling on my shoes."

Commander Sam let out a loud laugh as he got up and picked up Larruz with one hand. "No more wraith liquor for you," turning towards the warrior drones, "go lay him behind the Throne where we can watch him while he sobers up."

Nodding their heads, they took Lt. C. Larruz and dragged him behind the throne.

"I am sorry about that, Mr. Woolsey, it is really out of his normal personality to do such things," Commander Sam said.

"It's okay, every Christmas party seems to have some drunken person at it, just usually it happens later in the evening," Mr. Woolsey said with a nod.

The gifts were handed out without any incident, and everyone was allowed to unwrap their own gifts. Queen Malka seemed to get mostly magazines and books, which she was quite pleased with. She had wanted to see more of these after their first visit to Atlantis.

Commander Sam found himself with a coffee cup with an old school US Army man holding a cup with a speech bubble saying "How about a nice cup of shut the F**k up." He also got a coffee machine which he figured had to go with the bag of brown grounds. He also got a magazine which he quickly stashed behind him, which only attracted the Queens attention.

They both leaned back to see the cover it read, _PLAYBOY_.

i "_Why call it PLAYBOY if it has a human female on the cover?" /i Queen Silka asked Queen Malka on the network._

_i "Humans are weird. I wonder which one gave my Commander this smut magazine." /i Queen Malka asked on the network._

_i "Dr. McKay," /i Commander responded to them._

_i "What is it with scientists and porn…Brekist has a huge collection, and now their scientist is sharing it, weird." /i Queen Malka sent back to the other two._

After the gifts were all unwrapped, some of the Lts decided to start throwing paper balls at each other. While the worshippers went to go get glasses and the liquor Queen Silka had brought.

After a boastful toast by Commander Sam about a friendship and making inroads into a greater alliance, everyone got a bit more relaxed especially since the wraith liquor was flowing. For a large quantity of the individuals that remained in the Throne room the rest of the night was a bit of a blur.

The next morning however was not; as the crew began to wake up from passing out in the Throne room they started to wonder what they did the previous night. Lt. Mikol, Lt. Jas, Deti, and Lt. Jawnet with his worshipper Rhea where all sleeping on the turned over Christmas tree, while Larruz was just laying in the middle of the floor.

"Oww…my head," after trying to sit up Larruz looked down at his hand. "Why am I holding a bra?"

"The question you really need to ask yourself is why you are covered in red lipstick," Commander Sam said as he stood looking down at Larruz.

"Why are you soo cheerful?" Larruz asked.

"Well, I have enough common sense not to drink a ton of wraith liquor. And I have figured out how to get this great device the humans gave me working," Sam said as he took a sip of coffee.

The Queens where sitting on the throne while holding their heads complaining about, "We will never drink that much again…"

The Alanteans had passed out in the Throne room but Commander Sam had the warrior drones place blankets on them so they didn't get to cold in the hive. It would have been really bad if they had all caught cold on their first social visit.

Eventually they all woke up and trudged back to the puddle jumper, and most of the wraith group managed to get themselves back to their own quarters that morning.

Larruz was still left with the gnawing question of whose bra he had, and what had he done the night before…


End file.
